Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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