hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
