I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
