alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
