I think my vagina is haunted
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
