Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
