just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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