Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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