you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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