bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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