i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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