I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
whose parrot is this?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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