I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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