You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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