I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
