New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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