I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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