Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize