Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
