Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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