all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
