Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
