I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
