did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
