capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
