I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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