im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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