Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
