I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
