He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
