You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
