i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
