Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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