your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
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Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
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And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize