I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think I sprained my soul last night
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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