Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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