I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
