and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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