When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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