I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
