I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
