you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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