omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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