five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
