Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
