the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
