peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
