tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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