I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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