just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
