it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
