I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
