yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
