everyone is single if you try hard enough
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
