I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
