dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
