As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
