just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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