I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
