I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
