you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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