just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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