All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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