he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
