Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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