Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
