i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
