I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
then he tried to convert me to islam
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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