So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
