I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
