my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
