Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize