My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
