Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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