i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
