I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
