My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
