If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
