I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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