I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
