she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
