There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
